John Dainton was born in 1952, in Walton, near Wakefield England. His father was an electrician in the local pit and his Mum was his Mum. He attended Walton Primary School where the Headmaster, Archibald Sterry, bore the closest resemblance to ‘Chalky’, the headmaster in Giles’s Cartoons. His first love was Susan Foster but, as she was only six at the time, his attentions soon shifted to Miss Bruin, a delightfully buxom 40 something, unfortunately, his attentions were not returned. His next class teacher, Miss Baume, had more hair on her chin than her scalp and a busom that reached down to her knees, she was very free with her attentions and was fond of clipping John round the ear at any provocation. John found Women very confusing.

At 11 he attended Queen Elizabeth Grammar School, having won 1 of 6 annual scholarships. His Family were very proud of his achievement, unfortunately John was a somewhat gnarly peg in a very square hole and he hated it.